Finding the Balance

Before my new baby was born, I had ideas of how I wanted things to go. I didn't want to get cabin fever and I didn't want to be a paranoid parent. I’ve been around enough babies to know that they don't need to be held every moment of the day and they will not suffer later in life if they have to cry themselves to sleep once in a while.
I was in for a reality check when we brought our son home. My mothering instinct kicked into overdrive and I became extremely in tune with ever little whimper and squirm. A baby has been an emotional and physical part of the mother for at least nine months. It is no wonder that we are so protective of these tiny, innocent babies. It is even strange to see them wrapped in a baby blanket sleeping in their bassinet. You will wonder how they got there—it is almost unfathomable.

Before we had him, I read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracey Hogg. I highly recommend it to new parents. There are some things that I don't totally agree with but we used it as a guideline and I truly believe it was a big part of why we have such an adaptable child today.
Her theory is to start as you wish to continue. For example, if your newborn sleeps in your bed, chances are good that when he or she becomes a toddler, (s)he will still be sleeping in your bed.
She really believes in teaching your infant independence. Every child has the ability to soothe themselves. If you pick them up every time they squirm, they never have the opportunity to soothe themselves.
I had a really hard time with this at first. I remember the first day that we got home from the hospital. My husband told me to go take a nap and he would stay with our baby while he napped in his bassinet. I went up into my room and started bawling. I needed to be close to my baby. I felt like I was missing something or maybe I felt like I had abandoned him. I wanted to lie with my newborn baby right beside me. My husband reminded me that we were going to try this technique and let our baby learn independence. It sounds like a great theory to read about but it was so hard to do. We agreed to settle on middle ground. He told me that he would bring the baby in an hour, after I had some much-needed sleep.
Everyone has to find their own balance but I like to see it from both sides. I agree with this author that children latch on to habits extremely quickly, whether we intended them to or not. I also see it from a mother’s perspective. Everything that happens to us for the first weeks after birth revolves around the baby. It's only natural to be close to your baby. I personally decided that I wasn't going to worry about setting habits until he was 6-8 weeks old. We used her techniques for some things like soothing him with our voice but we certainly did not start him off in his own bedroom. I just enjoyed holding and "spoiling" him as much as possible while he was still so teeny-tiny. It was around two months that we started using more Baby Whisperer techniques. He has adapted just fine. I decided that I didn't want to waste those few precious weeks on trying to "teach" him something.

I was so afraid of getting cabin fever after a few days. Looking back on it I realize how dumb that was. I don't think I napped more than five times in the first 3 months. I tried to have something to do every single day. That wasn't so hard to do between having visitors and doctor appointments. If I didn't have anything to do, I would go for a walk or talk on the phone. I wish I had listened to my body and taken care of it. I struggled with keeping my milk supply up and I now realize that it was because I was always on the go. No, you cannot crawl into a hole when you have a baby. You will get overwhelmed and baby blues will get the better of you, but listen to your body. You will feel so much better if you have a good balance of baby time, sleep and social time. Those are about the only things that should matter to you in the first few weeks.

When babies are around three months old, most mothers have found this delicate balance and begin to feel like themselves again.